A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry!” she said, “stand in the corner.”
She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room. “Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly.
“The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
“Here,” he said to the ‘statue’, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths’ for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”
Here are a few things you may have never known about cheaters, but probably should because, you know, there are many of them out there. You might as well educate yourself on the breed of people who are fine with infidelity.
When women cheat, it’s dangerous business.
For some reason, a long time ago a rumor was started that when it came to adultery, men held the honor of being the most likely to stray. But it’s a lie! Not only do women cheat, but studies have found the difference between the two sexes is that usually when women stray, it’s to fulfill an emotional need as opposed to a physical one.
Emotional involvement is pretty much just one or two steps away from a completely kaput relationship that can’t be saved. Purely physical entanglements might still have a chance of getting a relationship back on track.
Cheaters are actually happy in their relationships.
Cheating doesn’t necessarily mean that the cheater thinks their relationship is the absolute pits. While that’s not to suggest that every cheater feels this way, the majority of those who commit adultery are happy in their lives and relationships, and aren’t even looking for a break up.
According to a Rutgers University study, 56 percent of men who had affairs were happy with their partners, while 34 percent of women who cheated were also really content in their relationship. They just do it, because, well … they can.
Cheaters get “friskier” when they’re cheating.
According to intimacy expert Mary Jo Rapini, once that sex drive is awoken in the cheating party, sometimes after years of hibernation, things can go from zero to 20 with their spouse, fast. It might seem like things have turned around with all that extra attention, but in reality, there’s a little somethin’ somethin’ going on elsewhere.
Women are more likely to cheat when they’re ovulating.
This sounds like something out of the How To Be A Good Wife handbook from 1957, but it’s true. As UCLA researcher Dr. Martie Haselton explains, “We found that women were most attracted to men other than their primary partner when they were in the high fertility phase of the menstrual cycle. That’s the day of ovulation and several days beforehand.”
Yikes! Not only that, but women feel sexier when their body is in tip-top mode to make a baby, so combine that with their desire for men other than their partner and we have a double yikes situation.
Men will cheat to “fix” their marriage.
It may sound like the most ridiculous thing in the world, but according to marriage and family therapist Susan Mandel, PhD, men who love their spouses think that by going outside their marriage, they can save it. Perhaps it’s a difficult concept to swallow, but in their brains, they think they can have it all, and therefore it will lead to less of a longing for something else.
Cheaters usually cheat with someone they know.
It may be comforting to think that if your partner is going to cheat, it will be a one-night stand, but cheaters tend to stick closer to home. In fact, the most common place for an affair to blossom is at work. Research has found that 85 percent of cheating starts amongst coworkers, with friends and neighbors not too far behind.
Cheaters want to get caught.
Think about the burden it must be to carry around such a weight day in and day out. The guilt! The secrecy! The fear of, “OMG! Am I about to be found out?” Well, cheaters, some of you actually want to be found out after all.
According to Scott Haltzman, MD, a clinical professor at Brown University and author of The Secrets of Happy Married Men, “People may actually set it up so the spouse or partner find out. Whether it’s lipstick on the collar or emails left open on the family computer, we leave our fingerprints everywhere. Oftentimes, it’s a cry to say ‘I need to get help.’ Some people make it obvious because they want to stop but don’t know how.”